Why I haven't logged into ICQ in years:

This thread on GFY epitomizes all that is charmingly dysfunctional about the special working relationship between affiliates and sponsors.

On this particular issue? I can see it from both perspectives; each person has some valid points AND says other things that are pretty fucked up.

I for one think a program owner is going above and beyond to even BE on icq available to talk one-on-one to affiliates (or anyone else, for that matter). I know that I don't have time for it. It's not that I don't think it's a great idea to be able to respond to affiliate questions, feedback, requests, etc., I just think it's pretty hard to run a business and be on call and interrupted like that at the drop of a hat. You'd think, though, that if the guy makes as much money as he says he does and is so willing to reinvest tons of it back into his business ("noone spends more money than me on updates and on models and on keeping things unique") that he'd fucking hire somebody whose JOB it is to MAKE time to respond to affiliates in a better way and people to make sure the promo content really represents the high quality he claims to spend THE MOST MONEY IN THE INDUSTRY TO MAKE (why do people say such ludicrous things? WHY?). I totally understand feeling run-ragged by affiliate requests, but that's because I don't have the money to hire people to be run ragged FOR me. If I had the kind of money this guy says he has, I would not be sitting on icq chatting with affiliates. Seriously. I'd be making love to my hitachi magic wand on my own private island.

I think he could have handled it better, for sure, but I totally understand not having the motivation to do so. Finding a polite way to say, "I don't have time to customize content for you (or we do not want to give away too much high-quality video or whatever) nor do I have the need to because it has a proven record of converting" is probably not as satisfying from a personal perspective as ripping somebody a new asshole for assuming that just because you are a paysite owner and sponsor that someone can tell you your content is junk and you should JUMP to accommodate their desires, though I don't think what the affiliate said was THAT offensive. I mean, if you are in the habit of being offended by stuff like that, why make yourself available on icq and even give the impression that you care? Of course, not seeing the promo content in question OR any of the affiliate's work it's pretty hard to judge whether either of them has a point. Years ago I posted a guest gallery from one of the TushyCash sites and I thought the content was hot (if the quality was average it really didn't detract from it's worth because of the hotness of the fetish/role-playing); I haven't looked at it much in recent years because I always felt like I had to doublecheck my link codes more than usual because of the way their program is set up (kind of confusing); maybe it's changed since then, though.

I agree with the person who said they're both acting like crybabies. I also have to laugh any time anyone in this industry accuses someone else of not being "professional". For one thing, anyone who levels that accusation almost always has a huge double standard/is a total hypocrite when it comes to their own behavior (usually not professional) versus what they expect from other people (bowing, scraping, and dishing out "the customeraffiliate (or sponsor, depending on who's doing the whining) is always right" nonsense). Mostly I just think it's funny because people want to apply standards of professionalism from OTHER industries to an industry in which modeling many of those standards is totally absurd. THIS IS THE PORN INDUSTRY. If you expect me to not use foul language in my communications with you because "it's not professional" to do so I think you are confused about what my profession is: I am a whore, a pimp, and a pornographer. It would be unprofessional of me NOT to say "fuck" or "cunt" on a regular basis. I make money on my fucking cunt, okay?

Don't misunderstand me, though; I do think it's important to treat everybody with kindness and decency (unless it would be reinforcing or rewarding indecent/unkind behavior to do so), but that has nothing to do with being "professional", it has to do with being a good person to everybody you meet regardless of whether it's at work or not. Working on the internet DOES make that hard, though. Not seeing people face-to-face makes it pretty easy to treat other people like shit. Still, I think there's a difference between being frank and full of a certain amount of bluster/larger-than-life-personality (a good thing, perhaps, when trying to establish yourself online) and being genuinely mean. I don't think anything said by either of those guys is a reason for someone's feelings to be hurt.

Sometimes telling someone to fuck off IS professional when you're an internet pornographer or smut peddler. It's pretty hilarious when people go to a board called "Go Fuck Yourself" to complain about someone telling them to do just that.

When the Icon's Ass Has Already been Worshipped

What do I do when I do not want to follow suit by performing a rim job on one of the industry's Holy Men, but probably should? I *disagree*! Just to be contrary!! Because I like shooting myself in the foot like that!!!

Note to newbs: yes, you probably *should* kiss YNOT Bob's ass. Because it's, like, holy and stuff. If I had half a brain I would, too. Still? It cracks me up when girls deny that they have their noses buried between his butt cheeks. Moi? Kiss ass? Never!! It's especially cute to me since I see the same girl kissing SOME man's ass EVERY time I visit that board (which is rare, but perhaps makes it all the more noticeable that I see this EVERY TIME. Seriously though, every thread you go into with B O B posting, there are girls falling all over themselves to give him a virtual rim job. Enough already!!! Or just admit it; YES! I am kissing ass because it's the smart thing to do and/or there's NOTHING smarter than a girl acting stupid(er than a guy).

If you can't beat them, write snarky blog entries about them.

It's hard for me to describe why this trend chafes at me, but it has less to do with the specific instances where it occurs, and more to do with the overall tendency of webwhores to not engage in real discussions with Men Who are Assigned Respect in this industry, and instead to just try to get them to notice them by slobbering all over them and hoping somehow they'll get favors and traffic for exhibiting exaggerated deference to them. In theory I don't even disagree with this method and yeah, some of the guys *are* grand repositories of money, traffic and porno wisdom. But sometimes it just strikes me as grotesque, especially since there's such an obvious difference between the way the boys aspire to be ON the big mucky-mucks' levels and are more likely to engage in real dialogue with them, while the girls almost always do the bowing and scraping and submissive stupid-act. Teach me more, oh wise one! Thou FILLETH me with big lessons I am scarcely able to contain! I am content merely to kneel before you, a naked acolyte rubbing my nipples upon your knees.

Someday I'll give you a link to the thread in which I insulted Steve Lightspeed and explain why. But not today.